how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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