There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
