he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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