"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
