you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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