hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
