new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
