It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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