Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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