Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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