My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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