What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
