So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
