I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
