Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
