hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
