Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I need a burrito and a hug.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
They took my balls.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
