but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
