i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
