you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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