well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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