That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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