dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
