i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
