I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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