I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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