i was rollin on her like bob the builder
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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