fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
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Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
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For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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