Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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