smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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