also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
