I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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