I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
