who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
