well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
