My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
