Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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