how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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