Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Oh god it's open bar.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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