it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She needs sedatives and a leash
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
