Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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