Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
