Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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