I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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