All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
