Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I will be naked everywhere
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
