After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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