I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
