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I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
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