She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night