you traded sex for a burrito?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It's blow job season.
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CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
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I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.