I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?