If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.