So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
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I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
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Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.