Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly