I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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