your parents love me but you hate me
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
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the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We have started to decorate penises.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
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although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.