Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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