i just had sex bonerless
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
