My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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