You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
