My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
