I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
