McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
