im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
