Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
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