dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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