How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
