nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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