I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Randomize
