But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
