I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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