finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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