I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
