You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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