I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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