You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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