you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
