yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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