so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
