I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Randomize
