At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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