she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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